Random Ramblings.

Well, July is here. In a couple of days, I will be headed to my summer internship. It's about that time of year in which I start making plans again.

I'm scared guys.

Of what? I don't know to be exact. I would like to say that I'm afraid of the big bad world...and I'm afraid that everything I've been working on, will go to waste. All the education will go to waste, and I will be stuck in a loop that was not worth it after all. Everyone around me is saying "keep going, you can do it! you got this"...but I can't help but think about some of the things that are getting put on the line for me to continue down this path. Everyone says that it's well worth it, but I can't help but think otherwise.

Sometimes, I think about what life would've been like if I stayed home. Listened to everyone telling me that going away for school was a bad idea. Went to a CUNY, and live with my dad. Everytime I think about that outcome, however, I can't picture it without my suicide. I went away because I wanted to get out the house. I wanted to get the "going away" experience, as well as become more independent. Well, one thing's for sure, all of those things definitely happened. I actually prosper way more when I'm at school, than when I'm at home.

There are certain plans since freshman year that I've been dying to complete, but it seems like all the more roadblocks set me farther and farther back from completing them. Because of the whole state hopping between PA and NY, it's hard for me to complete the things I want to complete in NY, when I'm in PA for 8 months out the year, with the exception of a week or two in November, December, and March.

I know what I have to do.
The thing now is finalizing everything.

And then there's post-graduation plans that are ready to send me to my coffin.
So much to do, so much to think about, so little time.