Self-esteem issues suck.

Ever had a moment where you just sat there, and thought about yourself? You realize that you feel like the most unattractive thing in the world. You look at every aspect of yourself, and suddenly you hate everything.

Happens to me all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I have an amazing boyfriend, great family & friends, and life is going pretty well for me.

It just seems like every now and then, I look at myself. And I realize that I hate everything about me. How chubby my cheeks are, how unusually short my torso is, my love handles, my fat thighs...and oddly skinny legs.

I've also grown to hate how easily I gain weight, and how hard it is for me to lose it. I hate my overly large breasts, that create hell for me with something as simple as bra & shirt shopping. I hate how whatever I try on, looks absolutely retarded on me, and when someone else wears it, they look amazing.

I hate it, hate it, hate it.

Sometimes I wonder what I would look like if I were into all of the girly things. I wonder what I would be like if I was into mixing colors together in outfits, and looking at the outcome. I wonder what life would be like if I tried to accessorize myself with jewelry. I wonder what I would be like if I were into make-up, into spending large amounts of money for clothing, and having my closet filled to the brim with tops and jeans, as well as shoes.


But then I realize.....I wouldn't be who I am. I'm sorry, but I enjoy not having to worry about make-up, or making sure my eyebrows are done. I'm glad I don't spend hours on my hair, making sure it's perfect (and no, braiding doesn't count). I'm glad I don't have the money to supply a clothing/jewlery/make-up obsession, because then I wouldn't have money for other things such as my photography accessories, books, and going out. Nor would my dad even allow it.


I like the fact that I'm a bit of a technology nerd. I like the fact that I love playing video games. I like the fact that I'd rather be the one behind the camera, instead of in front of it. I'm glad I'm into researching randomness on the internet. I'm glad that I'm able to have a mind of my own, and my own values and opinions.


I dunno, but I feel like I'm totally awesome and unique. Sure, I don't look like the prettiest thing in the world, but alot of the times, from my own experience, who who spend their time on make-up, fashion, jewlery, and all that other stuff, tend to actually be quite boring since that's all they know.

But hey, I dunno.


Huh, this post actually made me appreciate myself a little. Ironic, yes.